Moving on

17 Aug

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It’s hard. That is all there is to say.

Moving isn’t an easy task, by any means, and even the word makes me feel sick.

It means packing up your life in cardboard boxes. It means traveling to a new destination and starting over. It means saying goodbye.

At my adult age, I should have experience with this already. In some ways, I have. Attending two colleges across Iowa, I waved at my parents as their van headed back toward home. Working in Des Moines for a number of years, it was the same way — settling into studio apartments and feeling that sense of loneliness. Yet, I always had the option of seeing my family on the weekends or for them to take a short trip to see me. Now, being in NYC, it is a bit different.

The week before the big trip to New York, I had a difficult time realizing what was ahead. It was the night before, after loading up the U-Haul, when reality struck. I was playing peek-a-boo with my two-month-old niece. The tears started to flow (from me, this time. She cries, but she’s a baby, what can you do.) It had been so easy to pop over to my sister’s house and hold baby Quynn, watch her smile and admire her chubby cheeks. Yes, Skype, Facebook and frequent phone calls will help, but they are not the same.

The morning of the long journey wasn’t any easier. My mom and dad have been such safety nets for me, for whatever storm has happened in my life. I couldn’t look either of them in the face while eating breakfast. It was in front of the U-Haul when I broke down in sobs, hugging them so tight. I felt like a small child lost in a store. What do I do? Who will I turn to?

After being in the Big City for a few days, I will admit that it has gotten a bit easier. The move went smoothly and I have met some friendly people in the neighborhood. I have started to become familiar with the train and subway systems, and my days are slowly becoming more routine. It is still an unusual place — strangers moving side by side. And when I have experienced the rude, coldness associated with the Big City, I ache for the familiarity of Iowa. This overwhelming feeling takes over and I just want to curl up in a fetal position. Instead, I take a deep breath and realize why I came here. To try it on my own. I owe it to those people back in Iowa to give it my all in this new city.

And while my bags are unpacked, and my apartment is comfortable and set to my liking, I haven’t completely moved. My home will always be Iowa with those people I dearly love.

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2 Responses to “Moving on”

  1. Becky Wibholm August 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    Nice article, Carrie! It’s never easy to pivot and do something completely new. You know your support group is H-U-G-E here in Iowa…..just know we are all here…..just as you left us…… and eager to support you in any way we can

  2. Linda Moenck August 17, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

    Sounds like you are getting settled and ready to “face the world”! Good Luck!

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